I can finally release myself from your grasp. For reasons I would rather not write about, my attraction to you is slowly fading away. I’m both happy and sad; happy, because I won’t feel anymore hurt from you, but sad because I’m letting go of someone I opened up to in such a short amount of time. It honestly is bittersweet, and maybe this was how it was supposed to be played out all along. I’m not upset over this, and I want to thank you for the major impact you made in my life. You definitely left your mark in my heart, and for that I’ll be sure to repay you by moving on and looking straight into my exciting new future, taking with me our memories.
I’ll be sure to laugh in your face, as a little reminder of all the time I wasted and all the bullshit you put me through.
There are only so many “I miss you’s” and “I like you’s” that are contradicted by your “We can’t be together’s” that I can take before they become just words to me. It doesn’t make any sense that you refuse to commit for the reasons you gave, when you feel this strongly about me. You always told me to stop fighting my feelings, so now why can’t you just listen to your own advice and do the same?
Thank you for finally telling me the truth. I think I deserved that, but now I’m just wondering if it’s because you don’t want to be in a relationship right now, or because I’m just not relationship material for you. But ignorance is bliss, and thinking the latter will just push me to better myself as a person.. For the next man in my life. You won’t be around to experience my growth, because I refuse to wait for you to stop messing around and to finally settle down.
I know I told myself (and everyone, basically) that I don’t want to be in a relationship right now, but let’s face the truth: I am a relationship type of person. There’s no doubt in this world that I give my whole heart to the man who shows me good reason to. No matter how hard I try to change that about myself, I fail every time. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, when it comes time for all seriousness, but at this point in my life, I loathe this about myself so much.
I want you. My selfish heart wants you all to myself. But I can’t, and you won’t, because we shouldn’t.
He doesn’t love you anymore,
Roll your shoulders back
And look him in the eye
Even when it feels like your ribs
Are breaking inward, like spider legs.
When he digs up old aches
That he swore he forgave you for,
And ask him why he didn’t leave you sooner.
Ignore the way the words feel like sandpaper
Running all the way up your throat to your mouth.
When he blames you
For mistakes that wear his face,
Do not scream.
Do not cry.
Tell him that there are boys
Who would be proud to say they’d loved you.
Tell him that in two years
You won’t even remember his name
And don’t let him see the way you can taste your own lie.
When he leaves
Ignore the howling in your blood
And do not get up after him.
Not even to lock the door.
Do not, do not
Smell his shirts when you box them up
To give them back.
Swear off dating when you realize
You’re chasing ghosts that wear his smile.
It’s okay to cry over him.
It’s even okay to forgive him.
But do not go back to him.
If he did not know how to love you the first time,
He won’t know how to do it the next.
I can’t stop thinking about the way you dance,
how you sing your lungs out to every song,
the way you easily make friends everywhere you go,
your lame jokes that make me laugh anyway,
your genuine smile when you stare at me,
the adventures we had in such a short amount of time…